Are you for real?

I woke up to a phone call from Nerd.
"Hey, what are you up to?"
I try to clear my throat so it doesn't sound like I'm just waking up at 2:00 pm. "Oh, uh, not much. How about you?"
"Oh I was just running some errands, I was wondering if you wanted to come with."
"Sure, can you gimme like 20 minutes?"
"Yeah, I'll see you then."
So I go flying out of 'couch'. Rip off my jammies and shove my legs through an old pair of jeans, throw on a shirt, and try to do my hair and make-up within 15 minutes. Yikes. You have no idea how difficult that is when you have frizzy fucking curly hair to the maximum. Anyways, we go around running errands. Sending each other flirty glances and kisses on the cheek and such. I met his little brother and he was one of the coolest 14 year olds I know. So all in all, it was getting to be a pretty okay day so far.
After we drop off his little brother, we headed to my house so he could drop me off. But he missed his exit.
"Wanna go for an adventure?"
And Becki is rarin for adventure so I go, "Hell yeah! I know a place we can go to and check out!"
So we drive to the tunnel by the salt air palace. There's a torn up couch and broken beer bottles, just trash everywhere. Spray painted walls and I know most of the artists of these beautifully rejected walls. I hold up my arms and smile, "This is it! The tunnel!"
He looks around for a second but then grabs me around my waist and pulls me in for a kiss. Alright.
So I kiss him back, but my stomach drops when he starts slowly backing me up against the car. I know where this is going. We're in the middle of nowhere and a guy shoves me against the car and starts kissing me.... Ugh. I don't want to have sex with him. I pull away and say, "No, no, we should get going."
But he's not done with me yet. "Oh come on, you want to. I know you do." And he pulls up my shirt and grabs my tits somewhat roughly. I gasp at the rough contact and struggle to pull my shirt back down, but he keeps his hands in place.
"Becki, why not? Can't we just have sex? Or at least a blow job?"

Mother fucker what?

We are on our second date. And you want to have sex. Or a blow job. Sure, things got kind of crazy the first time we hung out, but can you blame me? I was drunk AND high. That's never happened to me before and I obviously wasn't thinking clearly. But that doesn't give you a free coupon into my pants.
"No, I don't have sex. I told you that."
"Ever?"
What, are you fucking deaf? I told you over and over, I don't have sex.
"Not ever."
"Well, it was good meeting you, Becki. Haha. Just kidding." He said he was kidding, but part of me thinks he's serious. He has suddenly lost interest because I won't put out. He reluctantly gets in the driver's seat and I crawl in the passenger seat.
Silence. The whole way back.
He's holding my hand still, but it's different this time. I think he's holding my hand to keep me from knowing that he's bummed or whatever. When we pull up to my house I lean over and give him a kiss and the only thing he says is, "I had fun." And then kisses me goodbye.

Excuse me, but I would appreciate it. If you would take a step back, and fuck your own face.

About five minutes later, Robert calls. Thank God. I could use some laughter right now, I'm a little pissed off. So Eftichios ( pronounced Eff-tee-hee. He's so greek.), Robert, and Trever come pick me up. When I get in the car, I tell Robert about Nerd and how pissed off I am. Eftichios says, "Oh, you're dating that guy? Dude don't date him. He's a fucking ass."
Me: "Thanks, Eftichios wish you could have told me earlier! But it's okay because he broke his phone today. Which means, hopefully, my phone number is lost forever."
Robert: So are you gonna try things again with Derek?
Me: Fuck that noise. He's treated me so shitty.
Robert: What do you mean?
Me: Well he was always flirtin with girls right in front of me, which didn't bother me except for the fact that he got all jealous when I went on one fucking date.
Robert: Did you know why he's in Oregon? To see if he can get down Megan's pants?
Me: ....wut.
Robert: Yeah, but he probably won't score.
Me: I know, he's got a small ass dick that fucking bastard!
Eftichios: Woah woah woah...who's Meghan?
Me: Oh just this stupid fucking perfect bitch. Derek was flirting with her and hitting on her at a party when we were together.
Eftichios: Are you serious?
Me: Yupp. I'm mostly pissed about it because she's so fucking beautiful. I hate that bitch.
Eftichios: She fine?
Robert: Oh man, she's fucking fine as hell!
Me: Are you kidding me? She's a ten. I give her a ten out of ten. Man, I would do so many naughty things to that girl. It sucks though because when she's in the room, all attention turns to her. And she doesn't even do it on purpose, I don't think. The guys all stop and stare like, 'Dayyuumm!' and then I sit there all feeling invisible and shit.
Eftichios: Oh, Becki. You know I'd fuck you.
Me: Thanks, Eftichios! Oh, I have the greatest friends!
Eftichios: No, I'm serious.
Me: Oh. Wow. Well, Eftichios you are a stud. Seriously. You're like a Greek God.
Eftichios: Thanks. :)
So we went and played pool. I was on Eftichio's team and Robert and Trever were on a team. Laughing, having a good time, everything is going awesome.
I get a text from Derek, speak of the devil. He tells me he's sorry for getting upset when I wouldn't have phone sex with him. He said he was just being a douche and it would never happen again. Yeah, I've heard that one before.
Me: How's your road trip?
Derek: Good except for meghan montoya the bitch
Me: What do you mean?
Derek: She's making me sleep on the fucking floor
[[I'm so glad she's not putting out. Take that you fucking ass lump.]]
Me: wow i'm sorry
Derek: Do you miss me and love me?
Me: Aboslutely.
Derek: I miss and love you too.
Me: You know what? no. I'm pissed.
Derek: Why are you pissed?
Me: You can't come crawling back to me when some chick won't put out.
He kept trying and trying to say sorry. But I'm done. I'm fucking done with guys constantly trying to get in my pants and I'm tired of broken promises. So peace out, bro.