Insanity vs INSANITY

Jacob's ex might be pregnant. And she still wants to break up with her current boyfriend and get back with Jacob.
Fuck that noise!
Not because she might be pregnant.
But I just plain don't like her.

So that's the INSANITY.

Because my day...doesn't even compare. I thought it was insane for a minute. But no.

Last night, Derek told me that he and his girlfriend broke up. And that he really needed to see me. NEEDED. He said needed. So me, being the caring, compassionate, amazing, badass that I am, I go over there. The first thing he does is kiss me. (WTF? Is that every guy's greeting for me now?!) So i'm like...aight. Whatever.
We watched District 9, smoked cigarettes, cuddled. I was enjoying myself, but I knew it wouldn't last. Derek didn't and never can understand me. I tried explaining to him over and over to him that we just aren't compatible. He gets angry too fast and too easily. Why can't you just settle the fuck down and listen to me for two minutes? I mean Jesus Christ!
Next thing I know he's on top of me, kissing, trying to get down my pants. Again. WHY?! What the fucking good hell? What is it with men that they're constantly looking for action? Is sex really that awesome? Fuck man!
I didn't have sex with him. We all know I don't have sex.
But I gave him head. Again.
God, I really need to stop with this fooling around with guys. It's getting embarrassing.
After he finished, he cleaned himself up with a towel and laid down on the couch next to me. I rolled over and stared at him. He really was super good looking. I'll give him that much. "I really did miss you."
I missed him too. Like I said. It wouldn't last.
The next morning, we woke up and I looked like shit. I always look like shit first thing in the morning. Anyways, Derek and I walked to the store, joked around, laughed. Flirted, kissed. All that stupid cute shit. He was texting someone pretty consistently and I knew it was a girl. Probably his ex. But I really didn't care that much. I just thought it was funny that he's such a jealous guy. He can dish it out, but he can't take it. When I went home, I gave him a kiss, told him I loved him.
I walked in my front door and my phone rang. It was Nerd. :) And he wanted to hang out! I guess his new job is closer to my house. SWEET! I was stoked. I hopped in the shower real fast, made myself pretty so I could impress this stupid cute boy, and we went to Atlantis Burger. I was sitting across from him in the booth, sharing onion rings with him.
Nerd: Wow, you have really pretty eyes.
Me: What? No I don't.
Nerd: I think so...wait....I think I see something in your eyes.
Me: What? What do you see? Tell me tell me!
Nerd: I see...that you want my body.
Me: haha! You think you can see that in my eyes?
Nerd: Oh definitely. There are some promiscuous thoughts running through your brain pretty often.
[[Wtf? How does he know that I've been super horny lately?!? Did I send off that vibe?!]]
Me: Um, nope. :D
Nerd: Oh! Oh! You are ice cold!
Me: I'm not cold. Just honest.
Nerd: You're the ice queen!
Me: I just don't have sex.
Nerd: Ever?
Me: Yup. It's been four months now. Goin strong.
Nerd: .....you still want my body.

And I totally. Fucking. Do.
While we were talking and having a good time, all I could think about was the way his hands touched my body that one night and how he ran his tongue along the edge of my ear....god damn. I'm surprised I could keep a conversation with him. All of my focus was on my vagina and how I wanted him. Unnngh.
When he dropped me off at my house, I leaned over my seat to give him a kiss goodbye only to find him turning his head and getting out of the car. What the hell? I get out of the car and he's walking around the car and I go, "You know, you didn't have to get out of the car to say goodbye to me."
He didn't say one word to me, just grabbed my jacket and pulled me in for a kiss.
[[I'm actually having a hard time typing this. That's how fucking horny I am. FUCKING RIDICULOUS.]] So he's leaning against his car and I'm leaning into him, making out with him. Super hot-like.
"Let's just have sex right here," he whispers in my ear and then he lifts me off the ground like I weigh fucking 12 pounds. So now my weight is supported on him, with my legs wrapped around him and he kisses me hard. I literally almost lost control. He buried his teeth into my neck softly and I said, "I don't think my neighbors would appreciate us having sex right in front of their house."
"Nah. Pretty sure we would just give them good ideas." But he puts me down, getting the hint that it's not gonna happen. Of course.
A few kisses later and I tell him, "Okay I really have to go inside now!"
and I give him one final kiss and go inside.

I feel like one of those middle aged divorced women that haven't been laid in forever. [[Cougar status up in here.]] I feel like I'm desperate for sex but at the same time not emotionally ready to put out either. God there is really something wrong with me.

Gonna go call Jacob now and love his cuteness forever.