The Confession Part

There's one thing...well actually there's a couple things a man should never say to his girlfriend.
Here are a few examples:
"Are you wearing that tonight?"
-No. Now I'm not. Now I feel like an ugly fuck after changing 3 different times, trying to impress you.
"Look at your love handles! I like em!" [[click itt!]]
-No! Holy fuck! Don't point out basically my only insecurity. My stomach, the extra fat right above my bony hips. DO NOT point out my flaws. I'm capable of finding them myself, thanks.

I used to not care what anyone thought about the way I dressed. All of a sudden I'm changing my clothes two or three times a day. I actually use the scale now. I never weighed myself; I never really cared until now. I pull out the scale and stare at the numbers. I don't know what to think. The numbers are 'normal' for my height, but then why do I feel so ugly, so chubby?
I'm not supposed to feel like this.

I used to take pride in the fact that I used to like myself. I thought I was pretty. I thought the way I dressed was awesome, and my little belly didn't bother me.

God, this is so hard to write about.
I remember feeling beautiful.
I miss it.

Here comes the confession part:
I am not smart when it comes to eating habits. Sometimes I will go one or two days without eating at all. I think to myself, 'Hell, I can go a couple days without eating. I sure could use it anyways.' And then I'll binge like nobody's business and eat like a fucking cow.
I either pig out or starve myself.

I'm not liking this at all.