I call dibs on the title 'Worst Girlfriend Ever'.
I cheated on my boyfriend last week. Again. (Like I said, this is not a pretty blog.)
The first time I cheated on him I promised him I would never talk to the other guy again. His name was...let's see let's pick a name for him....Jacob? Does that work? Sure it does. Anyways. I promised Fish that I would never talk to him again. I couldn't stay away.
Before you point a finger at me and tell me how horrible I am,
think about all the shitty stuff you've done.
Cast the first stone, bitches.
I called Jacob on the phone. My best friend. We talk about everything every time we talk. Movies, people, relationships, sports, star wars, personal stories....and he always makes me laugh every single time. Pretty soon we were getting into really personal topics. He said something dirty that made my breath get caught in my throat. He heard it. His dirty words traveled to the earpiece in my phone and drummed around in my brain, making my blood pump. He could tell. As his voice got more excited, my breathing became harder. "That's it, baby. That's it. I love you so much." And when my breathing slowed we stayed on the phone and talked more. We talked about what it would be like if we were together instead of being far apart. His voice and his heart told me he was in love with me and I almost cried while I smiled.
I shouldn't be like this.
I have a sense of right and wrong. I really do.
I read the bible often. Trying to read it every day now.
I ask Jesus for forgiveness, although I don't feel that I deserve it.
Fish doesn't know.
And I spent all day with him today, hanging out. He reminded me how much he loves me. How much he wants to marry me someday. And the ache in my heart told me that it would never be. Because I am not a good person.
I cheated on my boyfriend last week. Again. (Like I said, this is not a pretty blog.)
The first time I cheated on him I promised him I would never talk to the other guy again. His name was...let's see let's pick a name for him....Jacob? Does that work? Sure it does. Anyways. I promised Fish that I would never talk to him again. I couldn't stay away.
Before you point a finger at me and tell me how horrible I am,
think about all the shitty stuff you've done.
Cast the first stone, bitches.
I called Jacob on the phone. My best friend. We talk about everything every time we talk. Movies, people, relationships, sports, star wars, personal stories....and he always makes me laugh every single time. Pretty soon we were getting into really personal topics. He said something dirty that made my breath get caught in my throat. He heard it. His dirty words traveled to the earpiece in my phone and drummed around in my brain, making my blood pump. He could tell. As his voice got more excited, my breathing became harder. "That's it, baby. That's it. I love you so much." And when my breathing slowed we stayed on the phone and talked more. We talked about what it would be like if we were together instead of being far apart. His voice and his heart told me he was in love with me and I almost cried while I smiled.
I shouldn't be like this.
I have a sense of right and wrong. I really do.
I read the bible often. Trying to read it every day now.
I ask Jesus for forgiveness, although I don't feel that I deserve it.
Fish doesn't know.
And I spent all day with him today, hanging out. He reminded me how much he loves me. How much he wants to marry me someday. And the ache in my heart told me that it would never be. Because I am not a good person.
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