There are certain sentences he says that just drives me completely insane. He got me so wet last night that my pussy was dripping...something that actually doesn't happen that often.
"Come for me, you fucking bitch."
I shoved my finger deep inside myself, gasping at his words before finally letting go, feeling surges of energy run through my muscles. My back curved and bowed until I let one final breath go, and I lay there exhausted.
I listened to his breathing soften, heard his body relaxing in his voice. My favorite is when he mumbles, "I love you," half asleep.
And now I sit here, late at night, watching Dexter. Craving a beer, and oddly enough, Joey's company. He's the only ex I still feel comfortable around. He's not the one I would imagine spending the rest of my life with. He's not my soul mate. He's not the love of my life. But I do love him, and I love spending time with him.
I'm too scared to really say the word 'soulmate' anymore. Seems like a myth, a legend. But if I do have one, I only hope it's Jon. After we get off the phone...everything just feels right. But it kills me not being able to hold his hand. And so I search for affection somewhere else. I didn't bargain on Zach.
I should have just gotten my affection from Eftihi or Robert. At least I know it's not going to ever get emotional with them. Just flirtation and fun.
And I like the attention, the feeling of light-hearted, free fun. Because when I'm alone with my thoughts, I'm reminded of how i'm unlike anybody else.
Zach is interested. He's definitely interested. And I'm scared, and I feel guilty, and I feel like a horrible person, and I'm excited, and he's cute, and I miss Jonathan......god fucking damn it.
Zach doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve lies, he doesn't deserve me. I should be running away as fast as possible. But of course, I don't.
Because I'm a mother fucking heart breaker.
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