Hello, my name is...

I might as well come out and say it. I'm Becki. And I'm a horrible human being. Said and done.

So I'm single now and it's really weird. I know, I know, I haven't written in over a month. Mostly because Fish found out about this site (at least I think he did) and he was all 'Who's Jacob, who's Jacob?" So...I kind of left this blog alone for awhile. Now I just don't give a fuuk! Haha.

You'd think I'd be excited to be single. Fish and I are still friends and we hang out every now and then, mostly going to church activities and what not. Oddly enough, being single is just as stressful. Well maybe not THAT stressful, but it is stressful a little bit. I haven't even been single that long and I have guys lining up to claim me as their own. Which drives me nuts.

Although! I did meet a guy....we've been spending a lot of time together and he likes me a lot. I like him too, I never thought I would. He seemed super cocky at first. He calls me Mary Jane because he knows how much I heart spider man. Anyways, I don't know how I'm going to break it to him when I tell him I'm totally in love with my best friend Jacob and want to marry him someday.

I think I'll probably just call him Muscles because....hot damn! You have no idea! He's got these biceps that make me weak at the knees, I kid you not. And his little brother is just so adorable. I don't know what to do with myself, I have so many god damn problems.

On the one hand, I feel like I can't live without Jacob. I just can't. I think about him all the time, he knows literally everything about me. And I mean everything. He's still crazy in love with me, even with all the stupid shit I put him through with Fish.

On the other hand, it's so nice to feel liked from right here and right now. It's nice to have a crush, crushes fucking rock! I get all giggly and girly, I spend more time in the bathroom trying to do my hair, I feel special, I feel wanted...girl has gotta love a good crush. And I am definitely crushing. I just don't know if this could possibly be more than a crush and I don't know if I want it to be. When I'm hanging out with Muscles I feel like I could do practically anything. I feel like I could work at a laundromat doing what I love. Laundry. :) I could have a crazy collection of umbrellas, I could be the type of person that exercises daily. I could dye my hair purple if I wanted or take a road trip to Wendover just to eat at a buffet. I feel like I could do anything. I could get a job without having a panic attack, I could go to school without hating it and throwing up on people.

Why the fuck do I get myself in situations like this? I should've just stayed away from men.