I've been away from Fish too often this week. It's getting so bad. He's working a lot but I haven't been making enough effort to see him. I'm okay with not seeing him. That scares me. If you love someone, aren't you supposed to want to be around them...all the time?! And yet, I'd prefer to do things without him, stay home without him.
I called Jacob a couple nights ago.
I asked him to tell me a bed time story.
I'm weird, I know, shut up.
Well he did. Know what the story was about? Star Wars. FUCK YEAH IT WAS ABOUT STAR WARS. I don't know what it is about me and nerdy guys, but they're just super attractive.
So he told me the story of Star Wars (movies 1-3) and it was a two hour long story. I fucking loved every second of it. I've seen Star Wars before although the only movie I haven't seen is the third one. I still hung onto every word. He's hilarious. And adorable.
Then tonight I asked for another bedtime story. This time about spider man. (I have a thing for spider man. He's sexy. Maybe it's because Peter Parker is nerdy?) I hadn't seen the third one. Ironically. And so Jacob told me the story of the third movie in the Spider Man movies. I could listen to his stories all night. Which I pretty much did lol.
And afterwards I heard him sigh, and I sighed and we both wished we weren't apart. His voice moved through my body and made me feel excited, alive. He told me that he wanted to marry me and have 12 kids with me. (GOOD GOD, TWELVE?! I only want ten. haha.) I asked him to tell me something in spanish. He did and when I asked him to translate he said,
"Your voice makes me happy. You make me happy. I can't imagine my life without you. I never want to be without you. And I'm in love with you."
I smiled and held back tears. My conflicted feelings....
Sometimes I'm scared he doesn't mean it.
